Life in the Left-Hand Lane

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Showing posts with label scammers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scammers. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 29, 2025

The Scammers are at it Again

Don't you just love scammers? If you're like me, you wouldn't mind if they took a nice, long hike to, say, Pluto or Mars, without the use of their phones. Usually, I simply hang up on them. But there are times when I'm in the mood to let my alter-ego (known as Her Royal Snarkiness) have a little play time.

Of course, there are degrees here: how soon do I hang up, how much snarkiness and trouble I unleash, etc. This afternoon was one of those degrees days: I could have simply hung up when the scammer called a little while ago, or gone into full-fledged scamming-them-back mode. However I wasn't quite up to that, but did want to work their last nerve, since they called to scam.

Note: For anyone wanting to know about my previous escapades with the scammers, check out "Scammers, or Didn't I have that tattoo that said "Gullible" removed?" (about computer scammers), "The Scammers Are At It Again - And I Wasn't Home... " (IRS scammers), and/or "For Anyone Needing a Smile - and a Lesson Dealing with Scammers " (again, with IRS scammers, and dealing with them).

So, this afternoon, the phone rang. The caller ID showed "Clearwater, FL." Instead of ignorning it, I answered, and immediately heard call-center noise in the background before the heavily accented voice said, "Hi" to my "hi."

"This is John at your local power company. I believe I am talking to the person who pays the power bill."

"Okay, who, exactly, are you looking for?" I asked, and, after a minute of checking his computer, he came up with a name. Granted, it's the name associated with the phone number and our power bill, with a glitch: my first name, and what would have been my married name, had I taken my husband's last name. (As friend husband liked to tell people who questioned my keeping my maiden name, "I let her keep her last name, and she let me keep mine." Used to stop questions about the last names in a heartbeat.)

"Okay, so what power company are you with?" I asked, and he answered...sort-of, adding one or two words to the name of the power company. "Okay, so why are you calling?"

"Well, we've noticed that you over-paid your bill for the past year, and we would love to send you back the money you over-paid."

"Okay," I said. "But I want to ask a couple of questions first. Why did the caller ID say 'Clearwater, Florida' instead of the power company?"

"Well, our power company lines were tied up, so we had to use other numbers." Uh, huh, sure.

"Well, how is the power company going to pay me back?"

Well, all he needed was my banking information so they could send me money...

"The power company already has that. Also, the power company can always give me a credit on my bill to go towards my future bills."

"Oh, no," 'John' told me. "That's not how we do things."

At that point, I was getting tired of his b.s., and told him, in my politest voice, "Ya know, I do smell a scam. So, go ahead and have a very f*#ked up day."

That's when I hung up.

It wasn't anywhere near as satisfying as when I dealt with the computer scammers, or the second time I dealt with the fake IRS agents, but that's okay. At least they didn't get a chance to take my money...

Friday, August 27, 2021

Scammers, or Didn't I have that tattoo that said "Gullible" removed?

Since so many scammers are calling again, I'm reposting this gem that I originally posted on Monday, January 14, 2013. You can also check out For Anyone Needing a Smile - and a Lesson Dealing with Scammers. Enjoy!

I just love people who try to scam others.

Please reread that last line with the touch of sarcasm that I wrote it with. Heck, forget the touch of sarcasm; try a smack upside the head of it.

The Idiot squad is at it again. They called me this morning.

Note: Be forewarned, and don't be taken in by these, ah-hem, jerks, idiots, etc. If Microsoft, Apple, or any other computer-related group needs to touch base with you, I can assure you, it won't be because they detect a virus on your computer from a remote location. True, there is a way for a legitimate technician (such as someone really, really, really with Microsoft or Apple) to trouble-shoot from a remote location. But that comes only after you have called them with a problem, not the other way around.

These particular scammers are the phone equivalent to seeing two or three people walking down the street, looking like they've just crawled out of the sewer system. As one person walks up your driveway to knock on your door, the other one or two are knocking on your neighbors' doors. You open the door to hear, "Hello, Ma'am (or Sir), I'm the head of Ford Motor Company and I'm here to tell you that your Crown Vic has a major problem. The driveshaft is about to fall out, as is the engine." Meanwhile, his cohorts are telling your neighbors that they're with Toyota and Chevy; when they get down the street, they'll be with VW, Cadillac, and...Well, you get the idea. You wouldn't fall for the scam that way, and you shouldn't fall for it if someone calls saying that they've detected a virus on your PC. (Memorize this and the previous paragraph; if you fall for it, don't say I didn't warn you!) End of Note

Anyway, my phone rang and when I picked up, I had to say "hi" twice (the second time in my I'm-really-not-in-the-mood-for-B.S. voice).

"Yes," said a heavily accented voice, "this is the Windows computer company. Is this the owner/operator for the computer system?"

Hmmm...my scam detection alert system started buzzing, along my resident inner super-hero; I've dubbed her Her Royal Snarkiness.

"Yes," I answer in my most insincere sweet voice. "What do you want?"

"I am here calling you to..."

"Wait, wait, where, exactly, is here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, you said you are here calling me. Where, exactly, is here?"

"Oh, yes. I am on the phone calling you from Microsoft computer company to tell you that our operating systems have detected a virus on your computer."

"Okay, so if your system is that intelligent that it can tell you that, it can also tell you where I am and who I am, right?"

A pause, before he goes on with, "You are there, and you are the owner/operator of that computer system." Oooh, what a quick learner! But not quick enough. He goes on, "So, your computer has a virus on it..."

"Which computer would that be?" I ask, in all my sweet snarkiness.

"Your computer!" comes the gleeful reply.

"My computer? Why, sir, I have five computers! Which one is the virus on?" This was a blatant exaggeration, since I have a laptop and a couple of desk tops.

I hear a gasp before he recovers. "Why, it looks like all of them have viruses!"

"Really? I wasn't aware that you would be so concerned with a virus on my five Macs!"

Now there's a longer pause before he asks, "Macs?"

"Yes, you know. Macs. They're made by Apple."

Dang, I hate when the line goes dead. Must've been a virus...

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

For Anyone Needing a Smile - and a Lesson Dealing with Scammers

So most of us are undergoing probably one of the most stressful years in recent history. There's the COVID pandemic, the ensuing economic downturn, and major protests going on. It's like the 1918 pandemic meets the beginnings of the Great Depression meets 1968.

Seriously, I think most of us will be glad to give new meaning to the phrase Hindsight is 20/20.

This morning, while looking over Facebook, a friend (a professor who teaches journalism at the University of South Florida St. Petersburg) mentioned dealing with a phone call/telemarketer, managing to get the person to hopefully never call again.

I responded by posting how I've dealt with scammers by posting a link to this blog from 2013.

This got me thinking about a call I got years ago when I got to really have fun with the scammers.

I've known Candy (not her real name) for y-e-a-r-s. One afternoon, she called me on my cell phone, panicking.

"I just got a call from the IRS. The recording said that they've got a warrant for me, and to call them back. They left a phone number."

I assured her that it was a scam.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, definitely."

About this time, my home phone rang, and darned if I didn't get the same stupid recording!

"You won't believe this, but I just got the same call."

"Wow, what are the odds?"

At that point, I decided to show Candy how to deal with these scammers. "I'm going to call the number, and put the home phone on speaker phone so you can hear."

"Okay."

At that point, I dialed punched in a couple of numbers to mask my home phone number, then the phone number the recording wanted me to call. When the heavily accented person answered, claiming to be "John Smith," the first thing he asked was for my number. The conversation went (approximately) as follows:

Me: Sorry, I can't give that out, but I can give you my name.

John: Okay. Last name first.

Me: Patel. (Not my real last name, but that's part of the charm.)

John: Okay. First name?

Me: Skittles (yes, like the candy).

John: Can you spell that?

At that point, I spelled it for him.

John: I found it! You owe the IRS $5,000! Now, your address, please?

I gave him the address to the local post office, along with a 6-digit P.O. box. (The local post office only has 4-digit p.o. boxes, so I figured I was safe.)

John: Okay, we do have the police enroute to arrest you, as we speak.

Me: How can we fix this so I don't get arrested?

John: I am authorized to help you in this situation...

At this point, he said that if I'd pick up $1000 of gift cards...

I kept the ruse going for several more minutes before finally admitting that Skittles Patel was not my real name. I did mention that my next-door neighbor was a high-ranking IRS agent at the local office, that my father was a high ranking official with the Tampa Bay office of the FBI, my brother, who was sitting right next to me, worked for the Secret Service (all three of which were not true, but considering I was dealing with a bold-voiced scammer, I figured all bets were off - in real life, I'd never b.s. like this), and, oh, by the way, in about two minutes, there'd be approximately 15-20 large sedans pulling up to the building the scammer was calling from, each sedan with 3-4 federal agents, all ready to arrest everyone in his office.

There was an ever-so-slight pause before I heard John call out (not into the phone, but to his coworkers), "Code Black, Code Black, Code Black! Everyone vacate the premises now!" Then the line went dead.

By now, Candy was laughing hard; it took her a minute to catch her breath.

"I never would've thought of doing that!" she gasped.

"Still think that the IRS is after you?"

"No," was her answer.

While we then went on to talk about other things - her family, my family, life in general - I hope this helped you in three ways: (1) I hope you realize that this is not how the IRS would contact you (they'd do it by mail on official IRS stationary); (2) you can either ignore the scammers or give 'em the grief they deserve; and (3) you've at least gotten to laugh...which is a good thing during these trying times.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The Scammers Are At It Again - And I Wasn't Home...

The scammers are at it again. This time, it wasn't the scammers pretending to want to fix my computer; this time, it was about an impending lawsuit that the IRS is bringing against me. Too bad I wasn't home to take the call. But they did leave a voice mail message on my phone.

I usually try to remember to check for any voice mail when I get home. Sometimes I overlook it for a couple of hours, but I do end up eventually checking. This time, I noticed the flashing light on the base of the portable phone right away and knew there was a message.

Okay, ice cream put away in the freezer (I do have a few priorities), I checked the voicemail and heard (in a very heavy accent), "Yes, this is a very important message for you. We know that the IRS is attempting to bring an impending lawsuit against you. You may be to pay back very much money. Please call us back immediately, as we are able to assist you in this troubling, expensive matter..." The person leaving this important message then left a number so that I could call them back.

Isn't that sweet when someone wants to "assist you in this troubling, expensive matter"?

Yeah, right, I thought, wondering how this heavily accented, anonymous person knows that the IRS has an impending lawsuit against me, especially since I haven't received anything in writing from any official government agency in I-don't-know-how-long...In fact, the last thing I received from anyone from Washington, it was a couple of emails from my representatives in response to an email I'd sent them. (Probably an email addressing scammers, no doubt!)

So, I called the number. It rang and rang and rang and rang... At least I didn't get a recording telling me that this was not a working number, which I'd half-expected.

But finally, after about 20 or 30 rings (yes, I'm persistent, especially if I can harass a scammer), someone - or, rather, something - picked up. A heavily accented voice on their voicemail advised me to "kindly leave a message so that we can get back to you and assist you in your time of need."

Dang, I thought. I was so hoping for a live human being.

But since they wanted me to leave a message, I did. And here's the message I left: "Yes, leaver of important messages. It was so kind of you to call to offer assistance in an important matter. I just wish you had been available to take my call.

"In case you're wondering who this is leaving this message, rest assured that I am the reigning Queen Snarkmistress Supreme, of the Snark-castic queendom. I'm afraid I can't leave my number, since you already have it. I look forward to assisting you in your snarky time of kindness."

This was several hours ago. They have yet to call me back. I wonder if they will? I would have loved to have (snarkily) spoken with them...

Monday, January 14, 2013

Scammers, or Didn't I have that tattoo that said "Gullible" removed?

I just love people who try to scam others.

Please reread that last line with the touch of sarcasm that I wrote it with. Heck, forget the touch of sarcasm; try a smack upside the head of it.

The Idiot squad is at it again. They called me this morning.

Note: Be forewarned, and don't be taken in by these, ah-hem, jerks, idiots, etc. If Microsoft, Apple, or any other computer-related group needs to touch base with you, I can assure you, it won't be because they detect a virus on your computer from a remote location. True, there is a way for a legitimate technician (such as someone really, really, really with Microsoft or Apple) to trouble-shoot from a remote location. But that comes only after you have called them with a problem, not the other way around.

These particular scammers are the phone equivalent to seeing two or three people walking down the street, looking like they've just crawled out of the sewer system. As one person walks up your driveway to knock on your door, the other one or two are knocking on your neighbors' doors. You open the door to hear, "Hello, Ma'am (or Sir), I'm the head of Ford Motor Company and I'm here to tell you that your Crown Vic has a major problem. The driveshaft is about to fall out, as is the engine." Meanwhile, his cohorts are telling your neighbors that they're with Toyota and Chevy; when they get down the street, they'll be with VW, Cadillac, and...Well, you get the idea. You wouldn't fall for the scam that way, and you shouldn't fall for it if someone calls saying that they've detected a virus on your PC. (Memorize this and the previous paragraph; if you fall for it, don't say I didn't warn you!) End of Note

Anyway, my phone rang and when I picked up, I had to say "hi" twice (the second time in my I'm-really-not-in-the-mood-for-B.S. voice).

"Yes," said a heavily accented voice, "this is the Windows computer company. Is this the owner/operator for the computer system?"

Hmmm...my scam detection alert system started buzzing, along my resident inner super-hero; I've dubbed her Her Royal Snarkiness.

"Yes," I answer in my most insincere sweet voice. "What do you want?"

"I am here calling you to..."

"Wait, wait, where, exactly, is here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, you said you are here calling me. Where, exactly, is here?"

"Oh, yes. I am on the phone calling you from Microsoft computer company to tell you that our operating systems have detected a virus on your computer."

"Okay, so if your system is that intelligent that it can tell you that, it can also tell you where I am and who I am, right?"

A pause, before he goes on with, "You are there, and you are the owner/operator of that computer system." Oooh, what a quick learner! But not quick enough. He goes on, "So, your computer has a virus on it..."

"Which computer would that be?" I ask, in all my sweet snarkiness.

"Your computer!" comes the gleeful reply.

"My computer? Why, sir, I have five computers! Which one is the virus on?" This was a blatant exaggeration, since I have a laptop and a couple of desk tops.

I hear a gasp before he recovers. "Why, it looks like all of them have viruses!"

"Really? I wasn't aware that you would be so concerned with a virus on my five Macs!"

Now there's a longer pause before he asks, "Macs?"

"Yes, you know. Macs. They're made by Apple."

Dang, I hate when the line goes dead. Must've been a virus...