Scammers, or Didn't I have that tattoo that said "Gullible" removed?

I just love people who try to scam others.

Please reread that last line with the touch of sarcasm that I wrote it with. Heck, forget the touch of sarcasm; try a smack upside the head of it.

The Idiot squad is at it again. They called me this morning.

Note: Be forewarned, and don't be taken in by these, ah-hem, jerks, idiots, etc. If Microsoft, Apple, or any other computer-related group needs to touch base with you, I can assure you, it won't be because they detect a virus on your computer from a remote location. True, there is a way for a legitimate technician (such as someone really, really, really with Microsoft or Apple) to trouble-shoot from a remote location. But that comes only after you have called them with a problem, not the other way around.

These particular scammers are the phone equivalent to seeing two or three people walking down the street, looking like they've just crawled out of the sewer system. As one person walks up your driveway to knock on your door, the other one or two are knocking on your neighbors' doors. You open the door to hear, "Hello, Ma'am (or Sir), I'm the head of Ford Motor Company and I'm here to tell you that your Crown Vic has a major problem. The driveshaft is about to fall out, as is the engine." Meanwhile, his cohorts are telling your neighbors that they're with Toyota and Chevy; when they get down the street, they'll be with VW, Cadillac, and...Well, you get the idea. You wouldn't fall for the scam that way, and you shouldn't fall for it if someone calls saying that they've detected a virus on your PC. (Memorize this and the previous paragraph; if you fall for it, don't say I didn't warn you!) End of Note

Anyway, my phone rang and when I picked up, I had to say "hi" twice (the second time in my I'm-really-not-in-the-mood-for-B.S. voice).

"Yes," said a heavily accented voice, "this is the Windows computer company. Is this the owner/operator for the computer system?"

Hmmm...my scam detection alert system started buzzing, along my resident inner super-hero; I've dubbed her Her Royal Snarkiness.

"Yes," I answer in my most insincere sweet voice. "What do you want?"

"I am here calling you to..."

"Wait, wait, where, exactly, is here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, you said you are here calling me. Where, exactly, is here?"

"Oh, yes. I am on the phone calling you from Microsoft computer company to tell you that our operating systems have detected a virus on your computer."

"Okay, so if your system is that intelligent that it can tell you that, it can also tell you where I am and who I am, right?"

A pause, before he goes on with, "You are there, and you are the owner/operator of that computer system." Oooh, what a quick learner! But not quick enough. He goes on, "So, your computer has a virus on it..."

"Which computer would that be?" I ask, in all my sweet snarkiness.

"Your computer!" comes the gleeful reply.

"My computer? Why, sir, I have five computers! Which one is the virus on?" This was a blatant exaggeration, since I have a laptop and a couple of desk tops.

I hear a gasp before he recovers. "Why, it looks like all of them have viruses!"

"Really? I wasn't aware that you would be so concerned with a virus on my five Macs!"

Now there's a longer pause before he asks, "Macs?"

"Yes, you know. Macs. They're made by Apple."

Dang, I hate when the line goes dead. Must've been a virus...