Karma and Drexie Calabash

My two cats have been acting a little crazy the past few weeks. Whether it's from the shortening days, the weather, just feeling extra good, or the fact that they're cats (or all of the above) is anyone's guess. But they've been going through periods throughout the day when I swear the two of them are banking off the walls. As hard as they've been playing, it's kind-of amazing they haven't gone through the walls, especially Karma.

Karma Kitty is a black male cat, replete with cattitude. He has a habit of getting on the arm of the couch and straddling it, the way a panther would straddle a large branch. From there, it's relatively easy for our miniature panther to survey his domain, take a nap, pounce on unsuspecting people (or his sister) or take a swipe at bare arms. He had topped out at twelve pounds and change, but after being put on a special diet the end of last year, he's dropped down to ten. It's all muscle, though. He's also, without a doubt, the smartest cat I've ever known, as well as the coolest. Think Einstein/jazz musician/male model/snuggle bug rolled up in one. (Okay, that might be over the top, but you get the idea.)

Drexie, on the other hand, is a delicate six-pounder, a loveable ditz whose taste for exploration (as well as occasionally whooping up on Karma) is so ingrained in her personality (cat-ality?) that, had she been human, would have landed her in the history books.

It was this tendency toward exploration that got her into trouble this afternoon. Actually, it got her stuck in the dryer.

Normally, if I'm doing laundry, I'll check to see where Karm and Drex are before starting the washer or dryer, since they've been known to try climbing into the machines when the doors are open. Doesn't matter if they're full of laundry or not.

Drexie is worse at this than Karm is. She's also been known to duck into the pots-and-pans cupboard, then get into the silverware drawer. This takes a little doing, but entails climbing on a shelf near the back of the storage area, then climb into the back of the silverware drawer, flattening her tiny self into the small space, then putting her front paws into the silverware trays.

The first time she did this, it was a total surprise. I had fixed myself a cup of tea and wanted to get a spoon to stir it with. Opening the drawer, I discovered I could only pull it out so far before I got swatted by a white paw on the end of a tabby leg. Hmmm... I thought. Either I'd better do a better job of washing the furry silverware, or there's a certain cat in there. I had to take the trays out before I could get Drexie out. And yes, the silverware got rewashed.

I've since secured the cupboards under the sink so that a certain explorer can't get back in there.

Getting back to the dryer...I'd taken the laundry out, stuck it into a basket, and turned my back on the dryer for all of maybe thirty seconds, if that. Then I shut the machine.

About half-an-hour later, Karma was sitting in front of the dryer when I went to put a last load in. He kept chatting at me, then looking at the dryer.

"What is it, Karm?" I asked. He kept meowing, then looking back at the dryer. He's smart, but has yet to move beyond meowing, which does occasionally make communication a little dicey.

Then I heard a very faint mew. Karma was sitting there, staring at me like he was thinking, Well...? I opened the back door, but there was no cat in sight. Again, the faint mew, at which point, Karma swatted my leg, then patted the dryer door. (Did I mention he's smart? He's just not subtle.)

When I didn't respond immediately, there was another faint mew and Karma smacked my leg harder, then touched the front of the dryer, before running off.

At that point, I opened the dryer and out walked Drexie, who gave me a look like, It's about time!

Guess I'll have to make sure I know where the little wench is at all times. Guess I'll also have to listen to Karma, too.

Shutting Down the Shut-Down...

Finally, we can breathe a sigh of relief. The country has avoided going over the fiscal cliff. Of course, this has come after the U.S. has gone through a major shut-down.

I'm not sure how everyone else felt, watching the possible cliff zoom closer and closer, but I alternated between being furious with the Republicans, a feeling a sheer hopelessness, and wanting to head for Canada.

Okay, so I wasn't pissed off at all of the Republicans. There are plenty of them - most Republicans I personally know - who are, for the most part rational, centrist sort-of people who, when push comes to shove, can sit and have a decent talk about life and politics without going into hysterics. Most, like most of my left-wing friends (and yes, I'm a left-wing Democrat), will admit that if we don't agree on politics, then fine, as long as we both agree to let each live his or her own life without berating the other or kicking each other's dog or cat. It's just certain members of Congress (the non-Democrat ones), the ones who are so far to the right that they make Rush Limbaugh seem liberal enough to be the head of the Barack Obama/Nancy Pelosi fan club, liberal enough to have cried when Abbie Hoffman died. Speaker John Boehner definitely heads up my list of people who make me see red and want to change my last name to Spitfire.

Why? you ask.

The government shut-down!

Okay, I know, Boehner is upset about the Affordable Care Act, otherwise known as Obamacare. Fine. Be upset about it. Some Americans are. There are a few points about it that I'm not wild about, but then, as with most things voted and signed into existence, there's bound to be some fine-tuning along the way. I personally know several people who are irate about Obamacare and who liken it to socialized medicine, replete with "death panals."

Note: Obamacare isn't the first program that detractors claimed would end democracy as we know it. When Social Security and Medicare were first implemented (the first by FDR, the second by LBJ), both were considered dangerous: "...[O]ne program would end freedom in American, and...another was akin to socialism."

But getting back to Boehner, Congress, and the shut-down...Several days ago, while watching the national news, the shut-down and possible fiscal cliff were mentioned; hey, it was big news and on everyone's minds, right? But when even John McCain was shown telling Congress that they needed to end the shut-down and avoid the fiscal cliff, you'd think Boehner would listen. But noooo... Of course, when a shut-down has been planned, with rich backers, it gets even dicier. Then, there's the fact if the shut-down wasn't resolved by October 17, the U.S. would go over a fiscal cliff for the first time in its history. What does that mean? Well, for one thing it's entirely possible that those on Social Security - including disabled Americans on SSDI - may not get their checks in November.

No way? you say?

While not too many news sources were flat-out saying it, several were hinting around that it was a distinct possibility. Can you imagine trying to get by on Social Security to pay all your bills and having to worry about not getting that money because some millionaires in Washington are arguing about healthcare?

While we're at it, the federal government is holding billions to help expand Medicaid as part of the ACA...if only Florida Governor Rick Scott and the Florida legislature would take it. Mind you, we're talking about a bunch of legislators who pay $8.34 a month for their health insurance, or, if they include their families, $30 a month. But God forbid they allow Florida's families who fall under 133% of the poverty level to get Medicaid.

But getting back to the feds: Friday, I was on Facebook, trying to forget about the possibility of the fiscal cliff, when wouldn't you know, someone posted John Boehner's Washington phone and fax numbers.

"Where's the phone?" I asked J. He gave me a look that indicated he knew that tone of voice and was glad he wasn't the one I was pissed off at.

"It's somewhere on the table," he said. Then, looking over, he picked it up and handed it to me. "Who are you going to call?"

"John Boehner's office," I said, pointing to the number on the computer screen. J. looked over, rolled his eyes, smirked a little, and went back to working on the other computer. He knows better than to get in my way when I'm in war-path mode.

Long story short, I waited on hold for a long time...a very long time. During the first half hour, I must have heard the recording of Boehner maybe a dozen times. I listend as the recording said that if I want to hear about this issue, press one, that issue, press two...if I want to leave a message, press five or six, or, to talk with one of his representatives, simply wait. During the waiting period, I listened to a selection of patriotic music: the national anthem, When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, and several others. After an hour, it became a matter of principle; I'm going to talk to that representative and have my say! But by the time I'd waited an hour-and-a-half, J. glanced over and asked, "You're really still holding?"

"Yeah," I said. "I keep getting a recording that says I can leave a message on Boehner's voice mail or keep holding for a representative."

J.'s jaw dropped. "You could've left a message? Mom, what if, because of all the furloughed workers, there is no representative?"

That thought had started to wander around my mind...Finally, after an hour-and-forty-five-minutes on hold, I left a message. I started with my name, spelled it out, gave my phone number, then mentioned that if the U.S. went over the fiscal cliff, there would be many Americans who rely on Social Security (including disability) who might very well become homeless, not to mention the thousands of furloughed workers, etc. "You guys voted the ACA into law, the president signed it, and now a bunch of rich people in DC are going to totally screw the economy because you're p.o.ed that the people who elected you want health care like you have?"

About this time, a recording told me I had maybe fifteen seconds to wrap it up. I did, without resorting to any foul language, which, as angry as I was, is a minor miracle.

Then, at the last minute, the senate and congress started voting to reopen the government, keeping us - at least temporarily - from falling off the cliff. While that may have been predictable - the whole last minute vote - it still did a number on many of the people I spoke with and saw posting on social media over the past week or two.

I have no doubt that many of the same people will remember this at election time. We remembered 17 years ago when Congress did this during Clinton's time in office.

Here's hoping that the next time, we get people who understand empathy.

For a brief bio of Arthur Joseph Altmeyer, aka "Mr. Social Security," click here. For a very brief historical Q&A on Social Security, click here.

The information from the note was taken from October 1's NBC News/business.

Hello, Phone Company, Can You Fix My Phone? Yes, It's The One I'm Calling From...

There are days when things just don't go exactly the way we plan 'em. How does the joke go? How do you make God laugh? Tell Him/Her your plans. I had a day like that recently.

Because I was the only one home and awake after my three-hour online shift yesterday morning, I pretty much had the day to myself, and figured I'd spend the time working on my Master's thesis. I was moving along nicely when the phone rang. We have the phone set up so that the voicemail kicks in after four or five rings--enough time to let the Caller ID show who's calling, allow us to answer (if we're available and want to answer), while letting the caller leave a message without having it ring a zillion times first.

But this time, the phone only rang once; since it has to ring twice before the Caller ID spits out the number, there was no way of knowing (beyond hitting *69, which adds to the bill) who had called. I'd noticed that the phone had been ringing only once or twice a lot the previous day or two. Sometimes, whoever called would leave a message, so I knew they weren't crank calls. After this particular call, though, one of the phone jacks made several weird clicking noises, like it was trying to decide whether to ring, hang up, or croak.

Weird, I thought, before going back to work. But then, a few minutes later, when I went to use the portable phone, it showed that line was in use. What? How is that possible? I'd never even picked up the phone! So I hit the on button and listened to a ton of static, as well as that weird screeching noise that lets you know you've left your phone off the hook.

Note: For anyone of a certain age, say, under 35 or so, and is into the cool catch-phrases of the past ten years or so, no, I'm not trying to sound cool by using the phrase off the hook. There really was a time when the phrase meant that someone had forgotten to hang-up their phone at the end of a call. These people were oh, so not cool.

We still had cable TV and the internet, and our bill was current, so that wasn't the problem. I went around to each phone in the house--the two portables, the two actual landlines--and made sure that the two cats hadn't knocked the handsets off the phones. I also checked to make sure that the phones were actually plugged into the wall jacks. There was still that static, screeching, and no dial tone. So, I went online to correct the problem...or so I thought. After getting to the proper carrier's website, I went through all their systems' checks, then tried to contact someone using the internet, only to receive the message that We're sorry, but we're not sure how to help out beyond telling you to call us at 1-800... Yeah, like if I could do that, there wouldn't be a problem...Of course, my cell phone was down at the moment, so that didn't help.

Finally, I got a bright idea. Grabbing a couple of screwdrivers, I headed out to the outside phone box, opened it up where it said Customer Access, and opened the box up. There were two places to plug in a phone. I tried using our desk phone, a funky-looking thing I'd bought at an antique store a few years back. Of course, it's a rotary phone, which was incompatible with the prompts the automated system gave me. ("Are you calling about 727-...-....? If yes, press one, if no, press two...") No amount of waiting would convince the prompt to connect me with a real human being.

Bringing the antique phone back inside, I ended up having to use the portable phone, which meant taking the phone's charger, plugging one cord into an indoor wall socket, and the phone line cord into the outside box. (Yes, it was a pain...) Now, I was in business...

When I finally got through to a live human, there seemed to be a language problem. The man with customer service had no discernible accent, and seemed to be able to understand and respond to simple questions, such as names and phone numbers.

But then things got weird. "What number are you calling about? Okay, what seems to be the problem?" I said that the inside phone lines weren't working. "So how are you calling?" he asked.

"I had to plug the phone into the outside box."

"What?" he asked, sounding astonished. "Did you have to climb the power pole to get to the phone lines?"

"Um, no, there's a box on the side of the house that takes the phone lines from the underground fios line into the house?"

"Why would it be there?"

The conversation went down hill from there. But finally, after ascertaining that the phone I was on actually works, he told me to take the phone and the base, plug them into one of the indoor jacks while he ran a diagnostic test on the line. "I'll call you back in five minutes."

After plugging the phone into the indoor jack, I could tell that the indoor line still wasn't working. Static, screeching...

Back outside, I got the phone plugged back in maybe thirty seconds before the guy called back. "Great!" he exclaimed. "We have it working!"

"No, we don't," I answered.

"What do you mean?" He sounded completely confused. "I'm talking to you on the phone."

"I'm back outside."

He then offered to call me on my cell phone. "That's out of minutes," I explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's a prepaid phone, and once you get below a dollar on it, especially when you haven't used it that day, you can't get or receive calls."

"But I'll be able to call you on it. You'll be inside your house then," he said, a hint of Oh, these silly people with their ridiculous ideas in his voice.

"Okay, you've got my cell phone number on file, right?"

"Yes, I'm calling now." He put me on hold, and as I waited, seriously wondered two things: Where the phone company had gotten this winner from, and how long this charade would go on. Finally, he came back. "The phone doesn't seem to be accepting calls."

"See?" I said, feeling a little bit vindicated.

After several more twists and turns in the conversation, he finally decided it would be best if he sent a technician out the next morning.

That actually helped...The problem is solved. Wouldn't be so aggravating if the company hadn't had someone call me less than ten minutes after the technician left to see if I'd like to upgrade my services for a mere $10 a month! I thanked them, and said No.

If they really want to upgrade, how about a person - born here or not, it really doesn't matter - who actually listens and understands the language...