Hear, Hear!

I've noticed something over the years: the numbers of hearing-impaired people. Now, don't get all politically-correct on me; I'm not talking about those who would be helped by hearing aids or who grew up signing. I mean those who choose not to hear.

Example: Several weeks ago, I decided to have a yard sale. Simple enough. There were things in the house that really weren't needed, so I figured why not pick up a few bucks?

Saturday morning, several of us dragged stuff out, put them on tables, and a couple of signs were posted on a busy road to point people toward the sale. At the last minute, I brought out three large framed photos, figuring someone just might buy them. I'd had the photos blown up and framed a year ago for a show that ended up canceled. (Long story, don't ask...) But I figured that maybe I could recoup at least the money I'd spent to frame 'em.

A friend of mine stopped by around eleven and we yakked up a storm until around one. Just before he left, two cars pulled up to the yard sale. The first car held another photographer and spouse, the other, a single person who seemed a little sleep deprived. Photog. and I talked about photography, framing, cost of such, etc, while the sleep-deprived person looked around, finally spotting the photos.

"Wow," S.D. exclaimed. "These are beautiful! How much?"

I mentioned I'd put two-fifty into each photo, then added with a smile, "And that's not $2.50," and that I'd like to at least get my money back.

S.D. looked over the prints before stating, "I'll take that one and that one," pointing to two of the three.

Photog. and I looked at each other, dumb-founded. Recovering, I stated, "Great. That'll be $500."

S.D. stopped, stared, and fairly yelled, "Five hundred dollars?!? Five hundred dollars?!? What a rip-off!" before stomping off to the car and driving off. Photog. and spouse wandered off, shaking their heads.

Okay, so S.D. might not have heard the "not $2.50" disclaimer, and setting the photos out at a yard sale probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but still...

Another example of selective deafness: An acquaintence called one afternoon as I was going through a week's worth of newspapers before taking them to the recycling bin. When Acquaintence asked what I was doing, I told her about the papers. (It had been a very hectic week.)

After several minutes of chit-chat, I ran across my nephew's obit. I had had no contact with him since before my brother had died seven or eight months earlier (it's a very long story), but it was still a shock to see his name in the obits. I mean, he was 25 years old and had died in his sleep.

"Oh, no!" I said, shocked.

"What?" A. asked. I told her what I'd just discovered, nephew's age, etc. There was a slight pause before A. said in what I thought was sympathy, "Oh, wow!" Then, a split second later, "My cats are driving me nuts."

Huh? I thought. I mention that I just discovered that my 25-year-old nephew - the only offspring of my dead brother - has died, and the only thing A. can say is that the cats are working a last nerve? "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, they've been driving me nuts for the past ten minutes."

So glad we have our priorities straight...And to think I was actually more distressed about my nephew's death than cats and nerves...

And finally, the best selective deafness example of all: Several years ago, a very close relative died. Two weeks later, two hospital bills arrived, totalling $1,500. As the executor, I called the billing number and got someone on the phone.

"I'd like to discuss my late relative's bill."

Sure, I was told. And your late relative's name and patient number? Gave the name of the deceased, the patient number, then listened as I was told that because of HIPPA laws, the person I was speaking with could not talk to me without the relative's permission. "Well, I'm the executor of the estate, and since so-and-so is dead, you'll have to deal with me."

Okay, I was told. So, what do you need? I explained that I could send along $10 a month until the bill was paid, at which point I was told, Sorry, best we can do is in two installments of $750.

"Okay, I'll send the bills to the lawyer." That got her attention. Lawyer? What do you need a lawyer for? When I reiterated the person being billed was dead, the woman asked, astonished, "Dead? You mean, like, dead?"

Hmmm...what part of "late relative," "executor of the estate," and "deceased" hadn't she understood? The bill was written off...but I wonder who paid for her new hearing aids?

I'm sure I've run across many other examples of selective deafness, but I really wasn't paying attention...Just saying...